I LOVE MY NEPHEWS!! WE HAD A SLEEPOVER AND WENT TO THE ZOO:) (ok the zoo was for a charity walk for Autism for work, but hey it was a blast!) .. oh and i'm back blonde:)
9 years ago
9.27.2010
9.22.2010
Update.
Well, now seems as good a time as any to update the world on me. For quite some time I feel like I have been in my own world not noticing anything outside of it. Recently someone said to me, "I feel like you feel off the face of the earth Lex, what happened to you?!" That's a very good question, I thought. Hm... what have I done since i graduated high school and what do I have to show for it? Most people would assume a quick and easy answer "not much." I beg to differ.
Did I finish college? No. Did I move away to find myself? No. Did I move away to find my soulmate? No. Do I have a high paying job that I just can't wait to show up to every day? No. Buuuuuuuuttt.... Have I experienced life? Yes. Have I found love and lost it? Yes. Have I figured out who I am and want to be? Mostly.
I could go on and on about what have learned these last 4 years, yes, count them, 4 years since I graduated from high school. I have matured in ways I never imagined and I am actually happy. I can honestly take a look at my life and have no regrets.
I would like to apologize to all of those I have lost contact with over the years. I know it may sound selfish, but I needed to do it. I needed to start with a clean fresh slate and allow myself to make it through this world alone. If I had stayed in the life I came from, surrounded by the same people, I never would have grown to love myself, trust myself, or believe in myself because everyone always did it for me. I mean no offense to anyone who was a part of my life, I just needed these things and the only way I could achieve them for myself was to start with nothing. I needed to know that I don't necessarily always NEED people around but I WANT people around.
Unfortunately, I have lost contact with so many of those people and so I wonder if I made the right decision? But thinking about it, I know I made the right decision. How could I truly love someone else if I didn't love myself? How could I trust someone else if I didn't even trust myself? Or how could I support and/or believe in someone else when I didn't believe in myself?
Life is full of decisions... Some are best for ourselves and may hurt those around us and some visa versa. I'm so sorry to those that I have hurt and hope that you might forgive me and be my friend. I would hope that those that know me best know that I would never purposefully hurt someone and believe that I only intended for the best outcome possible.
I hope everyone has found the time to work on the important things and not just the ones for show. Please feel free to contact me and fill me in on all of your lives...I will write again soon. Love.
Did I finish college? No. Did I move away to find myself? No. Did I move away to find my soulmate? No. Do I have a high paying job that I just can't wait to show up to every day? No. Buuuuuuuuttt.... Have I experienced life? Yes. Have I found love and lost it? Yes. Have I figured out who I am and want to be? Mostly.
I could go on and on about what have learned these last 4 years, yes, count them, 4 years since I graduated from high school. I have matured in ways I never imagined and I am actually happy. I can honestly take a look at my life and have no regrets.
I would like to apologize to all of those I have lost contact with over the years. I know it may sound selfish, but I needed to do it. I needed to start with a clean fresh slate and allow myself to make it through this world alone. If I had stayed in the life I came from, surrounded by the same people, I never would have grown to love myself, trust myself, or believe in myself because everyone always did it for me. I mean no offense to anyone who was a part of my life, I just needed these things and the only way I could achieve them for myself was to start with nothing. I needed to know that I don't necessarily always NEED people around but I WANT people around.
Unfortunately, I have lost contact with so many of those people and so I wonder if I made the right decision? But thinking about it, I know I made the right decision. How could I truly love someone else if I didn't love myself? How could I trust someone else if I didn't even trust myself? Or how could I support and/or believe in someone else when I didn't believe in myself?
Life is full of decisions... Some are best for ourselves and may hurt those around us and some visa versa. I'm so sorry to those that I have hurt and hope that you might forgive me and be my friend. I would hope that those that know me best know that I would never purposefully hurt someone and believe that I only intended for the best outcome possible.
I hope everyone has found the time to work on the important things and not just the ones for show. Please feel free to contact me and fill me in on all of your lives...I will write again soon. Love.
2.05.2009
Perfect is the enemy of Good
Do you ever get so angry when you come one tiny little step away from perfection?
I feel like its so much harder to accept it when you are that much closer rather than so far off. It's almost like I never care that much about it until I miss it just by a hair. Why is that? Why can't good be good enough?
If you put everything into it and aren't quite "good enough" according to the world's standards there is no reason to bring yourself down. Imperfect people are constantly setting perfect standards. It's ridiculous. Measuring perfection should be measuring effort and heart. There are so many amazing people that never get a chance in life because somewhere someone told them they weren't good enough. I want to know who the hell gave them right? Did someone descend from heaven and dub them the Judge or what? No, I don't think so. People need to get off their high horse and join the rest of us normal, not "good enough" people.
We are all the same. We are all human, one race. So why must we separate? We should unite and lift each other up so we can all reach the top. What good is happiness without people to share it with? It gets pretty lonely on the "good enough" side, don't you think?
God loves everyone. You may not be "good enough" by the world's standards, but you are by His. As far as I am concerned that's all that matters, right? If not, i'm sure that we could all use a bowl of humble soup. The world skews everything. Good IS good enough.
I feel like its so much harder to accept it when you are that much closer rather than so far off. It's almost like I never care that much about it until I miss it just by a hair. Why is that? Why can't good be good enough?
If you put everything into it and aren't quite "good enough" according to the world's standards there is no reason to bring yourself down. Imperfect people are constantly setting perfect standards. It's ridiculous. Measuring perfection should be measuring effort and heart. There are so many amazing people that never get a chance in life because somewhere someone told them they weren't good enough. I want to know who the hell gave them right? Did someone descend from heaven and dub them the Judge or what? No, I don't think so. People need to get off their high horse and join the rest of us normal, not "good enough" people.
We are all the same. We are all human, one race. So why must we separate? We should unite and lift each other up so we can all reach the top. What good is happiness without people to share it with? It gets pretty lonely on the "good enough" side, don't you think?
God loves everyone. You may not be "good enough" by the world's standards, but you are by His. As far as I am concerned that's all that matters, right? If not, i'm sure that we could all use a bowl of humble soup. The world skews everything. Good IS good enough.
2.02.2009
CARDS:(
Poor cards... We were rootin for ya!! SCG supports!
[Erin, Laura, me(with my new red hair:)) and ashley]
Me and Weston(my nephew aka favorite person on the planet!) playing and annoying Charlie during the game
me and wes after he decided HE needed some of auntie "De-bexa's" eyeliner, too
Parker(my nephew, P-dog) keeping himself entertained during the game:)
Isn't he adorable???1.29.2009
Why ask why?
As I sat down to write my new post, my mind went blank. 'Must be some kind of real sick joke,' I think to myself. How can I really have nothing to say. I wait a little longer. Slowly, I start to chew on my half-painted fingernails-obviously needing some kind of attention other then an annoying nervous habit. Still nothing. With Taylor swift singing in the background, I think to myselft, 'wow, how amazing would that be? I want to be her!!' Soon after, I catch myself laughing out loud, no, no i don't want to be her ha ha. Got me thinking though:)
Today, a friend and I had quite the conversation, using words to paint beautiful pictures of how are lives COULD be. "If we weren't in nursing school ...," "If I had money to do whatever I wanted...," "After I get my R.N. ...." Harmless to say, but slightly discouraging to think about.
What if??
The imperfect human in each of us makes us ask "why?" If we were perfect we would know why. We would know why life is sometimes hard. We would know why life doesn't always go as planned. But, most importantly, we would know why life must be this way for us to learn and grow. Because what is life without these? It is not life at all as we know it.
SO... Why can't we stand up for right and wrong? Why can't we fight for those things we know to be real and true? Why can't we feel safe in our own homes, grocery stores, or walking down the street? Why can't a child go through life without ridicule? Why can't a politician tell the whole truth? Why can't a promise always be kept? Why can't we get everything we want? Why can't wishes come true? Why can't all daddy's/mommy's never leave? Why can't we all live to be 100 years old? Why can't we all be healthy? Why can't we all live in a free country? Why can't we all choose right rather than wrong? Why can't we all have food to eat, a roof over our heads, and people who love us? Why can't we all have the opportunity for education? Why can't the world be at peace? Why can't everyone be happy? Why can't everyone have the security of a job?
Why can't we smile at a stranger? Why can't we be fearless? Why can't our childhood innonce stay with us?Why can't we just have faith? Why can't we believe that there is someone up there looking after us and carefully watching our every move? Why can't we remember that He hurts when we hurt, rejoices when we rejoice? Why can't we want to feel Him in our hearts? Why can't we count our blessings? Why can't we be thankful the other 363 days of the year(minus thanksgiving and christmas day)? Why can't we trust our family and friends? Why can't we say please and thank you? Why can't we be respectful and polite to everyone and everything?
Why??
...If only we didn't have to ask why.
Today, a friend and I had quite the conversation, using words to paint beautiful pictures of how are lives COULD be. "If we weren't in nursing school ...," "If I had money to do whatever I wanted...," "After I get my R.N. ...." Harmless to say, but slightly discouraging to think about.
What if??
The imperfect human in each of us makes us ask "why?" If we were perfect we would know why. We would know why life is sometimes hard. We would know why life doesn't always go as planned. But, most importantly, we would know why life must be this way for us to learn and grow. Because what is life without these? It is not life at all as we know it.
SO... Why can't we stand up for right and wrong? Why can't we fight for those things we know to be real and true? Why can't we feel safe in our own homes, grocery stores, or walking down the street? Why can't a child go through life without ridicule? Why can't a politician tell the whole truth? Why can't a promise always be kept? Why can't we get everything we want? Why can't wishes come true? Why can't all daddy's/mommy's never leave? Why can't we all live to be 100 years old? Why can't we all be healthy? Why can't we all live in a free country? Why can't we all choose right rather than wrong? Why can't we all have food to eat, a roof over our heads, and people who love us? Why can't we all have the opportunity for education? Why can't the world be at peace? Why can't everyone be happy? Why can't everyone have the security of a job?
Why can't we smile at a stranger? Why can't we be fearless? Why can't our childhood innonce stay with us?Why can't we just have faith? Why can't we believe that there is someone up there looking after us and carefully watching our every move? Why can't we remember that He hurts when we hurt, rejoices when we rejoice? Why can't we want to feel Him in our hearts? Why can't we count our blessings? Why can't we be thankful the other 363 days of the year(minus thanksgiving and christmas day)? Why can't we trust our family and friends? Why can't we say please and thank you? Why can't we be respectful and polite to everyone and everything?
Why??
...If only we didn't have to ask why.
1.22.2009
Officially back to school...
So yes, two posts in one day. Each fairly deserving it's spot, and plus .. i'm lazy. If I kept up with these kinds of things I would not have two posts in one day but, oh well. I am back to school.
I know sometimes I definitely complain a lot about being back in school, but it's there that everything falls into place. I have the most amazing friends I get to spend all day with and I am learning and growing in every way possible. Yes, I admit, lectures are pretty dry sometimes, filled with who knows what for reasons who knows why but it's great. Hard to get back into the groove of actually having to pay attention but I am getting there, slowly. Good news- I wrote notes all day... okay so they don't always pertain to anything even close to what's being taught, but really can you blame me? Okay so maybe I'm slightly A.D.D., at least I'm not sleeping like half of my class:)
Crazy to think I've already made it to block III!! Only one more block after this, insane! I'm so glad I didn't quit last semester, because I really wanted to.. several times!! Whoever thought nursing school was hard? HA HA.
So anyways.. guess I will see you all in May because pretty sure I will be studying, or studying, or... possibly hiking:) (love you mimz!)
oh ps for those who know I am trying to drop my winter warmth, i've lost a total of 8 inches:) pretty excited about it!! It's been two and a half weeks, and I know it's not much but I enjoy it. Hooray for the SB's!! Love!
Nursing gals(ALS, jackie, mimz, and cleavis AKA me, anna, lindsay, and briley brown)
Backrow gals:)
SCG 4ever!! I will miss you Baby Kim!!
Through the economic changes and life's ever-growing need to change and push us along to bigger and better things.. whether we like it or not.. several people I have grown to know and love have left SCG. For those who don't know, SCG aka Scottsdale Children's Group is the place I have worked for the last couple of years. A doctor's office full of girls and estrogen ha ha but surprisingly I love every last one of them!! Baby Kim was our last fallen soldier, baby kim because we had another kimmi:)
Anyways, miss Baby Kim I will miss you very much! But I sure look forward to your fun facts every Tuesday just like last semester! I wish you all of the best back to school and hope our lives cross again! LOVE!!
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